[All ‘Archives’ posts are posts I wrote long ago, posted all around the web, and that I decided to group here as keepsakes ]
– This post was from 2018 while I was travelling through Europe – I have a few writings from this time and hope to be able to soon share more about this journey, but decided to still share this particular post and reflections meanwhile as it was one that I had already posted on my former blog –
– Notes from the road : Quick notes from the road, mess of thoughts and ideas born of the miles scrolling away –
I’ve been walking a lot lately. And thinking a lot. [Walking and thinking tend to go together, right ?]
I’ve been unusually silent lately- not even posting about environmental activism on social media, which is, you know it if you know me well, highly unusual.
It’s not because I do not care – I do care; but I’ve felt the need to reassess a lot of my beliefs in the past few months. I’ve been travelling lately, officially to visit and volunteer on different sustainable projects [I’ve been meaning to write about all this since quite some time now – actually I have bits and pieces of these texts everywhere…it shall be posted soon]. Did I consciously admitted it to myself or not though, my main reason for leaving the island was not only to be inspired and learn while visiting some amazing sustainable projects [while, for sure, this is such a blessing] but to quest after questions and meaning.
I realized that surely just like all of humanity to some degree, I was only questing after the sense of a good life and wondering what this meant to me – because that’s the thing, it’s different for everyone … and maybe that’s scary in a world where we too often hope to apply cookie-cutter designed answers to everything.
I’ve figured out these last few years that to me these answers were inseparable from following my heart/gut feeling/ intuition or whatever you call it [ you know what I’m talking about; this feeling inside you that moves sparks around and pulls you toward your dreams…].
This voice asked to leave and wander away from what was known; and I couldn’t refuse.
I worked toward making this trip a reality for a few years now, and here it was…and I felt guilty. [While I recognize the support life gave me in many forms, I also believe that if you work toward what you feel is where you need to be, Life will support you – while recognizing that we still live in a very unequal world and that it’s easier for those of us living in developed countries than it is for others fighting for bare necessities every days… this itself is a big subject though…].
I felt guilty the first few weeks of this trip: of being selfish and leaving the island behind when so much was still left to do in sustainability and hence all help welcomed… I was feeling guilty for so many other reasons too…
I seem to have forgotten that we ultimately all share one earth and that help anywhere is still beautiful. And I seem to have forgotten something even more important: that I ultimately believe that our own healing is intrinsically connected to the healing of our societies and systems [and hence our balance with the natural world and the rest of the earth community].
The more I think of environmentalism and all these others causes, the more I come to believe that we do have a lot of solutions already – but that it’s often the human-unbalanced-ego-factor that tend to block it [aka our unbalanced-ego and all that can result from it such as greed, anger, lust of power and such- once again, another big subject]. I wonder if all these are not a result of us feeling lost, of not feeling connected to who we are and the story of our lives ? [What I mean by the ‘story of our life’, is that we all live according to our beliefs, which are ultimately stories [said with the utmost respect] we tell ourselves.] And if we lost our connection to our-self, how can we connect to the world? To others? To our planet?
We live in a world where allocating ourselves the time to ponder about these questions became a real luxury, yet I feel that it might be very essential to do so. If we really had time to questions our beliefs, questioning what is a good life for us for example, would we still act as we do or would we re-write our stories and live differently ?
As I said, I felt guilty for the first few weeks of this trip; in part also because I felt that I was not doing anything ‘productive’ in regards to society’s standards and was wondering if I was taking the right decision to take this ‘break’ … [A ‘break’ from what anyway ? From ‘actual life’ ? As if not all of our life is an ‘actual, real’ life ? As if our life is not wholesome unit where all parts are equally important even if completely varied…anyway, I digress.]
So, I’m letting go of this guilt right now, acknowledging that the times we use to go inward,and rest, and question, and plan are just as valuable as any outward actions – even if too often this is not acknowledged today…